CONTEXT, PLEASE:
Broadcasting from New York under a full moon:
"I wish you folks back in St. Louis could see this moon."
Referring to Japanese pitching sensation Hideo Nomo:"He's is the biggest thing to hit Japan since they dropped that bomb on Nagashima!"
Referring to a questionable ruling by the official scorer:"Well, no one’s perfect. Only one guy was ever perfect, Jack, and they nailed him to a tree!"
Referrinng to ex-Cardinals outfielder Bernard Gilkey:
"Gilkey was originally born in University City."
"He's faster than a chicken being chased by Ronald McDonald!"
Referring to Mike Schmidt:
"...the longtime, and soon-to-be, Hall-of-Famer."
Referring to a Home Run by Ted Simmons:
"Well, that's the bread on Simmons's butter."
Broadcasting the day before Easter:"I just want to tell everyone Happy Easter and Happy Hanukkah."
When the Cubs' Derrick Lee took 2nd base late in the game without a throw from the Cardinals' catcher:"Lee runs into second...they'll just let him go. They call that runner's indifference...or something like that. Hah. "
Urging Scott Rolen to take a pitch on 3-0:"You don't kick that dog as he's sleeping on the porch, you don't step on his tail, you just walk on by. If you step on his tail, he might jump up and bite you on the ankle or the kneecap."
Talking about a road game in Montreal:"This game is moving along pretty quick, it must have something to do with the exchange rate."
Referring to a young fan who was hit with a foul ball: "And that youngster will leave the stadium with a souvenir today. Not a ball, but a nice looking bruise."
After closer Jason Isringhausen lost his command of the strike zone:"Izzy's like a wild hare in March, running all over the lot!"
Referring to the Busch Stadium organist:"Ernie Hayes is up there playing with his organ.”
After a batter leading off the ninth inning with his team down by three took a mighty swing but missed:
"He was trying to hit a three run homer with the bases empty. To my knowledge, no one in the history of the game has ever done that. But it could happen someday. You never know in this world of baseball."After ex-Cardinals outfielder Brian Jordan was hit by a pitch for the fourth time on one road trip:"Jordan must feel like a Ouija Board."
Referring to former manager Whitey Herzog:"The key thing is, he has that photogenic mind."
While Mike and Joe were discussing unflattering photographs of players that had been flashed on the screen at another ballpark, Mike's take on the quality of the photo selection:"Some of those guys look like the picture was taken while they were seeing their first UFO."
After several seconds of laughter, Joe adds:"As opposed to their second or third."
The TV lights were on in the press box and the umpire stopped the game until they were turned off:“The reason you can’t do that is the light will get in the fielder’s eyes and they’ll get hit right between the coconuts.”
CLASSIC SHANNON:
"Ole Abner has done it again."
"A hit up the middle right now would be like a nice ham sandwich and a cold, frosty one."
"Well, he did everything right to get ready for the throw, but if ya ain't got the hose, the water just won't come out."
"It's raining so hard I thought it was going to stop."
"I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't believed it."
"He's madder than a pig caught under a barnyard gate."
"He ran to second faster than a cat in Chinatown."
"Well, folks, this game began as a tiny worm and is blossoming into a large cobra."
"Brad Penny...they should have named him half-a-dollar. Whoa he's big! Heh heh heh."
"It's raining like a Chinese fire drill!"
"Don't bite your head off to spite your nose."
"We owe you a station break, this one's for the folks listening in Paris...Tennessee. You thought I was going to say Paris... Kentucky! No such luck. Heh Heh Heh."
"A couple of strips of bacon at breakfast and he’d a busted that ball out of here."
"Like Spring makes the rain come, so does the edge of the plate grow."
"You know, these professional hitters make it look easy, sometimes they just stick the bat out and spank the baby!"
"Boy, a cold frosty Budweiser would be great about now. (Long pause) Ahhhhh." "One run in this ballpark (Wrigley) is like a grain of salt in the Sahara Desert."
"Jeff Bagwell finally drove in a run after 75 at-bats without one. That's like crossing the Sahara.....Backwards!"
"He’s bringing the ball up there 95 mph or better. It’s powder river. You like fastballs…munch on this."
"Everyone’s on a pitch count now, you people down on the farms don’t let major league baseball on your place or they will have the cows on a pitch count."
"So Taguchi, who wears number 99, unless you stand him upside down and then it’s 66."
"Well that’s the life of a reliever. It’s either a mountain or a valley, there’s no in-between. You either get all of the glory or all of the goat hair."
"Acevedo tried to sneak that pitch past Pujols on the inside corner. That’s like trying to sneak the sun past the rooster."
SAY IT AGAIN, MIKE:"We'd like to say hello to all those folks listening in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky."
Joe Buck: "Mike, the Cardinals would like to welcome a group of 19 French foreign exchange students in Section 382."
Mike: "Where're they from, Joe?"
Joe: "Uhh, France, I think."
"The wind switched 360 degrees."
"Things are not always as they appear to be as."
"This big standing-room only crowd is settling into their seats."
"There's a long drive by Porter! And the left fielder catches it under the warning track."
"There's a long drive! And the second basemen catches it right behind the bag."
"That foul tip bounced up and caught him right in the groins...and that'll really clear your eyes out."
"The right-hander is throwing up in the bullpen."
"Our next homestand follows this road trip."
"I've heard it said that if you know English, Spanish, Italian, and I think it's French, you can go just about anywhere in this world...except China where they have all those derelicts."
After a pause, Joe Buck suggests that Mike meant to say "dialects." "Yeah, dialects! That's what I mean...but they've got a lot of derelicts too!"
"The crowd's on their feet for the Canadian Star Bangled Banner."
"Back in the day when I played, a pitcher had 3 pitches: a fastball, a curveball, a slider, a changeup and a good sinker pitch."
"Both men could have been hurt and that would have wiped out two-thirds of the infield."
"He hails from the island of Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico is an island, isn’t it? Well, just try to swimming off of it and I guess you’ll find out."
"The pitcher throws the ball to the umpire and asks for new one. Normally the ump would give that tainted ball to the ball boy, but he just inspects it and puts it back in his ball sack."
"...popped up into foul territory and out of play…oh that ball landed right in that lady’s Busch."
